DOORS.......

"alone i love
alone i hate
alone i can be
alone i am .."


There I am standing ….all alone…no one , absolutely no one around me…its just me ..n my thoughts. I feel alone but not lonely, I feel sad but not terrible, I feel good but not happy, I feel the chill but not cold, I feel appalling yet not scared, I feel conscious yet ignorant, I feel fluid yet so brittle, I feel the pain but not the scar, I feel “I am” yet not ME ….

I see doors …n doors ..more doors …they are all around me. Its as if I am stuck in a infinite space full of doors and jst them. All that lies between me and them is void & emptiness. I try counting them but I lose count of them. Which one should I pick and which one to leave. The one which is brightest or the one which is darkest, the one which is farthest or the one which is closest, the one which is open or the one which is closed ….i am scared at the same time inquisitive, what lies beyond those doors…??

But why do I at all need to cull or shun any of these doors…?? Why cnt I jst walk on this void and imbibe the emptiness…?? Why can’t I simply enjoy this nullity without having to embrace any sparkling DOOR….?? Who says that we have to embrace a doors every time we leave one…??
I have been through enough doors in my life, some bright some gloomy. But what’s within each of them is clamour and shear turbulence…and I can hardly hear myself in all this din.

I have lost myself enough times and I can’t afford to lose myself again. So I am happy being outside a door …I am happy being in the void …
I AM happy being MYSELF…….

"Aham Brahmasmi...."

Another night out, another day gone while a new one waiting for me to lay foot on…….it seems I am stuck in a never ending cycle of days and nights, its relentless. The only difference between me and Bill Murray in Groundhog day(awesome movie..must watch) is that, for him the day in the calendar would never change & in my case it changes every day for the same. ..SAD but true. Can I ever escape this eternal cycle..?? Can I ever hope to see the bigger picture…?? Can I ever see “Myself”…?? Some might think that such questions make no sense to even a demented and crack brained. Hmm….i guess that is what we ALL have become, we have been reduced to mere zombies. For the last 21 years I have been studying, and all this studying has finally given me is a bag full of redundant bits of information which builds up a fraudulent reality. A reality so concocted that it seizes to be anything but reality. When I look around I realize that its not jst me but almost 99.9% of the population is drowned in the pseudo reality, by what we call “EDUCATION".

what has all this “Education” given us..?? Most think that “Education” gives us the power to think, power to act, power of rational thinking………HAHA…really…!!!! Power to think and power of rational thinking needs no “Education” only if we are ready to keep an open mind & understand the world around us and observe it carefully. All this, so called “education” does is to preconditions us, trains us to just be SLAVES or ZOMBIES…and lays the ground for concocted reality. We are slaves of our social system, slaves of our monetary system, slaves of our political system. Every day and since ages we are being manipulated by these three, but we all fail to realize. We study some shit, so called “Educate” ourselves so that we get some good Job, some big bucks , marry and have a so called balanced n a happy family….Holy SHIT…but all we are doing is falling prey to the monetary, social and political system.

Is that what “Education” is …??? What we term as “Education” is just a big dark curtain put right before our eyes so that we never get to see what lies beyond. But such an “Education” is just the manifestation of our obsession for materialistic world. Wow….these couple of words('materialistic world') are ones which hv been long forgotten and almost obliterated from literature….SAD but again TRUE…!!!!

So I guess its time to shed some light on what I mean by ‘Reality’. First let me tell you that there probably is "NO" reality ……bt at the same time there might very well be a multitude of realities, which exist before us. Reality is not static but dynamic. To understand the notion of it, I need to take you to Vedic textures. But before I do i need to add that all Vedic textures and literature and are truly amazing (they have bowled me over), they are definitely the greatest repository of philosophy, advanced knowledge and high thinking. So we need to understand what ‘Reality’ is...if at all there is one. And for that we need to comprehend something called  “MAYA”, which forms the very base of Hindu philosophy. We all remember this word, as a philosophical shit coined by the rishi’s …right…SAD but needless to say TRUE…!! But it is no philosophical shit, instead it has deep rooted scientific concept and understanding which the modern science(so called mordern) recently is getting to terms with through Quantum physics.


What the concept of MAYA proposes is that “Brahman satya, jagat mithya” …which actually means that pure consciousness is the only reality while the physical world is nothing but virtual reality. Gaudapada a philosopher and a rishi describes “life as a waking dream, and that world exists only in the mind of Man”. Which implies that it’s not you who is sitting in the room, instead the room which is sitting inside you, inside your brain. Just as sunlight falling on the finger appears straight when finger is straight and crooked when it is crooked, but in reality it is neither the one nor the other. What we see around us is jst the manifestation of our Consciousness, which implies that the entire matter world is just a fallacy, there is NO Matter, there is NO Space and Time. This is may be just too a BIG proposition..or probably not...!!

Hans Peter Durr, a quantum physicist once said that "whatever is matter, is not made of matter". Matter as we know exist only in the mind. Consciousness is more fundamental than matter,space and time…Consciousness is in everything and everything is in Consciousness. What we experience can be an illusion, bt what cannot be doubted is the fact that we r experiencing, that is the result of consciousness. A quantum physicist could put it this way, variations in the conscious field are perceived as an image(form) in the mind. Hence the material world is just the appearance in the mind.

So the obvious question now is what is Consciousness…?? what is it made of…?? It is something which has eluded so called modern science till now. What can be said as of now is that Consciousness is not the manifestation of matter, matter is insentient and something so unconscious cannot give rise to consciousness. Actually the bigger and more critical question is that how does consciousness manifests into all these diverse forms…?? Probably, in order to unravel these mysteries one has to dwell deep into the self and touch the realms of metaphysics.
What I have discussed hr might seem pretty imbecilic & bt it has far reaching implications, beyond all imagination. It could mean that all that we have seen, learnt and probably experienced is just one big fallacy. We could very well be living in a MATRIX, the Matrix of materialistic world. But the saddest part is, the one who creates this Matrix is none but Us.

I guess by now you guys must be pretty bored and exhausted…..so its time to bid adieu. But before I go, i would like to add that, always keep an open mind and rationalize your thoughts because what you see may not be the Reality but just your  metal projection and remember ....

“ Aham brahmasmi”

The Mystery Girl

i jump off my bed, n woke up in the middle of the night...n it was one dark n spooky night. I look out through the window, there was no sign of the moon n the stars… they all seemed to be engulfed in the utter darkness..n I hd second thoughts if I really hd my eyes open. If this ws not enough, the barking dogs managed to send a shiver down my spine, and I jumped back to my bed, closed my eyes as hard as I could. I could hardly breathe and felt a ton on my chest….i guess I was scared. I always loved the darkness and its quiescence bt tht is what scares me most as well. This is the kind of dichotomy which perfectly defines me & my life…!!!!

But jst when it seemed that fear was about to overtake my thoughts, out of nowhere It flashed before my eyes & I could see her right in front ….sigh....!! I wouldn’t dare open my eyes, she looked immaculate and so beautiful….like a white angel. I desperately wanted to hold her in my arms n take her to my lips, bt the more I got closer to her, the more she receded from me. Back in my college days, I remember sitting in the classrooms, the only thing I cld think of…ws her. Everyone kept telling me tht I should never get close to her, and it was no less than dangerous. Bt I had to do what I had to, and always listened to what I thought was right…so found ways to get close to her. she was always there with me in my arms when I was deserted and lonesome, listening to my senseless crap without a frown.

This is how it had started, n how I wished I cld have her back in my arms & could tell her how much I love and care for her…. So there I ws searching aimlessly fr her in the middle of a fearful night all around the city...sounds really crazy, right. A wise man once said that “ where there is a will there is a way”..n I always believed in this philosophy and it was my only life boat at this hour of desperation. After several hours of frenzy search…..EUREKA…there she was right in front of me and it was no dream…!!! I was left speechless and had no words to utter. I got her back to my room in a hurry and could hardly take my eyes off her. so at last it was time to take her in my arms and brought her close to my lips……n all I utter is " MARLBORO, I love U "….. only to realize that I didn’t hv a light….damn…!!!!

The .." IT ".....

“It” falls from the tree…..only to be blown away by the turbulent winds. How could it resist the might of the wind n the strength of the gust…?? So hapless n completely helpless….tossing and turning with a strange tranquility. The winds takes it far and wide beyond all hope and appetence. All it has, is a bag full of memories of clinging to its beloved tree with no fear of the future n completely detached from the past. Bt all it now wishes, is to live …to survive the very moment.

The wind eventually subsides to leave behind a shattered conscious and a trail of scars. It lies untroubled on the craggy n austere ground waiting for the eventuality. All it had wished and wishes is not a long life but a serene and a tranquil life. It is not fearful of the eventuality nor does it want to escape it, but nothing stops it from being somber about it, this underlying dualism is what makes life worth living.

Lying there it all flashed before "It" …n how it regrets that "It" could never thank its beloved tree. So that’s almost all the time it had before being trampled by a anonymous and a obscure feet, it smiles back only to reveal…. tht which fell was not a leaf but..... ME.

Missing STUPIDITY...

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”…....actually I dnt knw about human stupidity as well, bt when it comes to my stupidity and absent mindedness …I am THE NUMERO UNO…..without a shawdow of doubt. In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man and especially mine, it seems unfair that He did not also limit my stupidity....!!!

Its 12.30am in the night: after gulping a cup of hot coffee and a muffin from the Nescafe shop, I was marching towards my den, room no A-32, the room which NEVER SLEEPS...!!! My hands reach out to my pockets only to send a chill down my spine……it’s the worst fear of my life(almost). I had jst done it AGAIN …this was my 8th lock for which I had no fucking key. If things go the same way, in the near future I could actually open a LOCK shop. But the imperative question was, what makes my key’s detest me to such an extent….i always loved them and cared for them…I loved them more than my pair of woodland shoes, more than my trousers n even more than my toothbrush…but it’s a shame that they could never understand that & reciprocate the same feeling…!!! So there I was standing right in front of my door, staring at my lock like a complete idiot. I guess most of u guys won’t understand the pain of standing right in front of ur door empty handed, with the lock staring and swearing back at you.

Hence it was time to repeat the usual drill, the mission of finding my soul mate…my KEY. So where could it be…?? I absolutely had no clue…it could be equally anywhere or nowhere...thts Quantum physics…!!! Anyways I decided to do it the hard core way…I call it the Back propagation method. I took a sneak-peak into the past (time machine u c..)and started to recall all the possible places I had gone after I left the room. In a couple of minutes I had the complete map and it was jst a matter of retracing it exactly…sounds fucking easy right, believe me it’s not. The key could be enjoying its solitude in any of these following places:
1. Ameya or satyaveer’s room
2. At the Nescafe shop
3. Or the 300 to 400m stretch of road leading up to Nescafe shop from my hostel.
So I started the search with a couple of my friends room …but as I had expected it wasn’t there. So it was time to look for it in Arun’s room…”THE ARUN”. I knw, u guys must be thinking that even though it wasn’t on the list of places tht I had visted…then why was I adamant of checking it in ARUN’s room…..seems an utter waste of time…right. NEGETATIVE …thts because Arun’s room happens to be the “lost and never found room”……every lost object of our hostel would finally end up being in his room, its almost like a black hole sucking almost everything into and inside his room. And just like the black hole it wasn’t a easy task getting things out of it…but I was prepared to take up the challenge, bt to my horror it wasn’t there as well…can u believe that…!!!

As a result there I was walking with my back bend almost to 90 degrees staring down the road in the middle of a dark and a chilly night trying to look for something which hardly cared for me….how worse can it get. After almost half an hour of detailed and fruitless search action I ended up at my last hope, the Nescafe shop. I asked the shopkeeper if he had found any key…………….. and his answer insured that I would have the 8th orphaned lock and the 8th feather in my illustrious cap.
By this time I had gone mad and started swearing myself…it seemed as if the heavens didn’t want me to sleep in my room and the ubiquitous Murphy’s law had once again showed its presence in my life…!!!! So I had the choice of either to break open the lock or sleep in any of my friend’s room fr today….and I choose the latter. Hence I went back to Arun’s room, in all frustration I lit up a sutta, got my woolen head gear off……n Alas ……..from nowhere it(the key) fell from the heaven’s …it really did….!!! I was absolutely stunned and shocked, the key fell off my HEAD….believe it or not. It was then tht I realized what had happened and I broke into hysterical laughter.

FLASHBACK:
What had happened is that, when I was at the Nescafe shop with my friends I had the key in one of my hands and a sutta in the other. So when the coffee came, instead of putting the key in my pocket I actually kept it in my head gear and when I was about to leave I put it back on my head. As a result it was no more in my pocket, hence the whole drama of missing KEY.
But In all this while of frenzy searching, it was sitting right on top of my head screaming and shouting but I couldn’t hear it…damn…!!!! Thank “GOD” I got my cap off . hence it seems tht I have set a new benchmark for idiocy and stupidity which the coming generations will find hard to live up to.



“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.”- a wise man